Like a Wave

I was at Lowe’s gathering supplies for a project I had wanted to complete {thanks to Pintrest!} when grief unexpectedly hit me in the lumber aisle.

lumberaisle1

My two-year old recognized it first, “What’s wrong Mama?” He always seems to know when I am sad…either I wear it well or he has a compassionate heart. I believe it to be a mixture of both. 🙂  I replied with the truth, “I’m just missing my dad but I am ok sweetheart.”

I grew up spending most of my Saturday’s with my dad. As I remember it, we often went to the hardware store to get supplies for his latest project. You see, my dad loved to work and improve our home–he was a DIY’er before it was trendy. I adored being with him so I was always happy to go where he wanted. I was too young to be taught much about home improvement {most of my skills I later learned from my mom} but I wish I had been.

As I headed down the lumber aisle the other day I  knew that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. If Elijah hadn’t been with me, I may have just broken down and let the tears flow. And more than anything, I just wanted to be able to pick up the phone and call my dad. I wanted to know that I could call him, tell him what I wanted to do and have him help me. In that moment I was completely aware of the void that continues to exist from his absence.

Most days I don’t even feel it. I know in my mind that he is not here. I talk about it with ease. But there are the moments when it slaps me in the face. Where the weight almost takes my breath away. Almost 20 years have passed and I still grieve:

I had a wonderful {albeit human} father for 11 short years. I will miss him for the rest of my life. There is no sufficient replacement for him.

Life has many blessings but it also has loss. Loss of babies. Loss of friends. Loss of parents. Loss of dreams. Loss of innocence. Loss. It is not God’s perfect plan. He never intended it to be this way. Sin ruined {and still ruins} the plan. Creation even suffers daily under the weight of it. Yet we have a Savior that identifies with us. He makes the sting of loss bearable with all that He freely gives.

Jesus lost His dad. He lost His friends. He lost his family member. He lost the respect of men. He lost His life. And yet He offers all that was available to Him freely to us: comfort, peace, rest, joy, love, healing, life.

Our losses do not have to consume us.

They do not have to rule our lives.

Christ is with us. He makes a way for us. He holds our hand. And most importantly, He has gone ahead of us to prepare a place where all that is lost will be redeemed.

lamentations

And at the perfect time, he also allows us to cross paths with a knowledgeable Lowe’s employee to help us navigate through our crazy Pintrest endeavors. 😉
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10 thoughts on “Like a Wave

  1. My Dear Ali,
    That was a beautiful post. I love reading your heart.
    I too relate to missing a parent. I miss my mom so very much sometimes, and yet rejoice in her eternal life with Jesus. Your writing is so very true and spoke to my heart. Thank you for sharing. Ali you should write a book, You speak so elequantly from the heart. Your heart for Jesus, your wisdom, your experiences would impact so many lives. I just know God would bless you abundantly All my love Donna

  2. I love how you keep your posts so sincere and real, but always offer hope thru Jesus. It’s such a testimony. Anyone who has ever experienced any loss would be encouraged by this post, and by your strength :). Thanks for sharing. xo

  3. P.S. I just wanted to let you know how strong I have always felt you are. I could never, ever imagine what you went through and yet you are a woman, standing strong and such a wonderful mother. Although I did not know your dad, he is looking down at you with the hugest smile, because he is beyond proud of the woman, mother, wife and follower of God you have become!

    • I totally concur Cassie,
      I have watched Ali grow over the past 7 years and I am so very very proud of her. She is an amazing woman of God, Mother, wife and daughter in law. I love her heart, her gentle spirit, and the children are direct reflections of her and David. She is such a blessing and I love her so very much.

  4. I understand totally my dear friend. Miss my dadda every day too. Love you friend. Saying a special extra prayer for you today.

  5. Grief sneaks up on us, doesn’t it? The grief of separation from loved ones and the grief of the experiences we don’t now have because of their absence. So sorry that you had to part ways with your dad at such a young age, but I’m glad you know the One in whom all losses will be redeemed.

  6. Pingback: DIY Wood Growth Chart | Enjoying Now

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