Open Hands

Confession: I like control.

And the Lord has been speaking to my heart recently about it. Truthfully I wasn’t always that way; but after my world was turned upside down at the age of 11, I understandibly used it as a means to cope.

I like to know what to expect. I like to plan. I like to, as I often say, “mentally prepare.” I also like to always do the ‘right‘ thing. And somehow those two behaviors have gotten a grip on my spirit. They feed into one another. If I can control this, then I can be perfect. If I can prepare, then I won’t mess up. Do you see? It’s a cycle of sorts. But more often than not it leaves me in a state of internal conflict.

And I am tired.

I need to let go.

It’s a process though. There are successes and challenges almost daily. I experience victories at the same pace that I must accept grace. I truly want to be different but I also know that it comes with a cost and some pain.

The other day I sat before the Lord crying out for Him to burn it away. Do you know what it feels like to burn? physically? I don’t. But I do know how it feels on the inside to wrestle with my flesh. It’s uncomfortable. It is ugly. It hurts.

What I was wanting in that moment was for Him to take my sin and replace it with His righteousness. I believe He will. Sometimes He removes our thorns in an instant {like sending a text message} but other times it takes perserverance and hard workd {like sending mail via the Pony Express}.  All of this is why I need Jesus. Need, NEED Him.

After still struggling recently with some relationships in my life, I felt like the Lord gave me a vision of how I am to be:

openhands

My hands {and heart} are to be open, void of control.

I can’t control my relationships. I can’t control how long I will be close to someone. I can’t control how they will love me or feel about me. I can’t control how they respond. So instead of trying and striving and grasping to hold on to people, I need to leave my hand & heart open to them. I need to let them pass through; to let our paths intersect for a time and then wander away and maybe back again; to trust God with them.

I am so thankful for Christ’s open hands to me as He died upon on the cross. Open hands that did what I cannot. Open hands that give me the grace to keep trying and loving and losing. Open hands that always accept me, help me, and love me. Open hands that usher me away from control to freedom.

Lord I am going to keep trying to let this life {and the wonderful people you allow me to meet and love} pass through my hands into your care.  Help me to cling to you instead of my own ideas, expectations or hopes.

Lord make me new.

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7 thoughts on “Open Hands

  1. beautiful post Ali. I love reading and learning and embracing the thoughts and feelings from your heart. I always take your words with me to where ever I go and am in life. Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter in law. I love you. Donna

  2. Oh, how we are so similar. I AM THE SAME WAY. I even use the term, “mentally prepare.” There have been many situations in my life where God has really provided me the opportunity with letting go of control, of course, these are all unpleasant situations…but in the end, he showed me that he could work it out when I was at my weakest :). Thank you for sharing!

  3. Oh, how I can relate to this! I feel as though this entire past year has involved me trying to grab the reins and God gently opening my fists and taking them back again. There is much peace in surrender, but it is a continual, sometimes daily process for me! Beautifully written, Ali!

  4. Pingback: Cows and Faith | Enjoying Now

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