Childbearing Romanticism

Disclaimer: I love my boy and I love being a mom. 

If you have read even one post on my blog you probably ‘get‘ that. 

Sometimes I think women who are single are prone to romanticize the joy and privilege of motherhood.

The other day while at the pool, one of my sister’s single friends stated that being a mom must be so wonderful {it is} because you love another human being so much that his/her needs are all you care about. She thinks that when you are a mom all the things in life that are pointless and selfish fade away and you are simply content living for another.

While that thought may be true for the one perfect mother out there–it isn’t for me.

I know…

While I love being a mom, I am still ME. I still have desires {I love me some new clothes}. I still have wants {sleep is precious these days}. I still get hungry {and don’t always want to share my food with a curious 1 year old}. I still crave intimacy {I have a hot hubby}. I still need alone time {other than two hours a day during nap time}.

Then today another single girl told me that when you have children, caring for their needs, their wants and putting them ALWAYS before yourself is what every mother loves to do and that it isn’t a sacrifice.

Uh…

I adore my son. But he is not my ENTIRE life. And I definitely don’t want to lose myself in the routine of motherhood by always telling myself that being a good mom is putting myself last. Truthfully that makes me depressed.

Now I get that I am a youngest, mostly-only child. I love attention and ‘me’ time. Maybe all mothers are not like me. Maybe most mothers take that perspective with wholehearted devotion. But I fear that a lot of women out there are thinking that their true fulfillment comes with the husband and the kids.

Sadly it doesn’t.

I still struggle. I still get sad. I still fight the devil over my insecurities. I still work at forgiveness. I still confess my sins.

Life is a journey. Nothing but getting to Heaven will ever permanently cure us of our daily challenges and need for a Savior.

I NEED Jesus to help me be a servant to my son, to be a noble, loving wife to my husband and to love myself. My eyes must remain fixed on Him to keep my balance in this crazy life.

Don’t get me wrong, being a mother and a wife IS wonderful. I thank God daily that He has given me my hearts desire.

Those of you who are still waiting for God to answer your prayers..keep praying, keep seeking, keep trusting, keep believing. It may not look like it will happen soon but putting that desire in Jesus’ hands is the only safe place. He hears you. He sees you. He WILL answer. All in His time friends, all in His time.

Oh and when you actually get all you have ever wanted in life and you STILL have a bad day remember that it’s OK. All women have them. All women wish for their single life again {if even for just a fleeting second}. But what makes us good women is that we keep accepting grace and moving forward.

We must remember that we only fail when we quit.

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6 thoughts on “Childbearing Romanticism

  1. I love this post and can hear my own thoughts woven through your words! I struggled so much with having my daughter and husband be everything I was for the first year Em was born. Needless to say, Satan came in and did a tap dance all over our life leading to adultery by my beloved husband, bankruptcy, illness, you name it. It has taken us over a year to even return to a glimpse of what we should have been the whole time. I learned I NEVER can lose sight of the Lord. He is ALWAYS faithful!!! Now I am left struggling to take time for me apart from being a wife and mom. It is most definitely a journey!!!

  2. Dearest Ali,
    This blog post actually brought tears to my eyes. You are the most elequant writer i know, and your wisdom on being a wife and mother are so right on.
    I had to take a look at my life as a mother, and at 50 with 3 grown children a beautiful daughter in law and grandson, I have to say this, my children and grandchild are very dear to my heart, and even when the kids grow up, you never stop loving them, you never stop caring, you always want the best for them, and you always want to share in their lives. While we moms spend a life time teaching our children, there does come a day when your children teach you, and that is so wonderful. It is ok to be you, because you is very wonderful. It is ok to take time for yourself and husband, but mostly it is very good to place God first and formost in your life. Balance is the key. love you Donna
    I

  3. Oh, how true this is! No doubt, I can’t imagine my life without Mirabel but then again, I do miss “free” time. She has brought so much joy and has enriched my life, but there are days she is just so crabby and wants to be carried and I wonder if I might just drop from exhaustion. Or the nights when she’s screaming because she’s sick and is on a sleep strike…but, like I said, when I reflect back I can’t imagine being without a child. It would be so much lonelier, it was lonelier. I still feel the longing of wanting to be a mom was much harder to deal with than a bad day with this kiddo. But it ain’t an easy job, that’s for sure :)! I would say God gave me this child because he knew I needed to learn to be more patient, but he also knew I would adore her in spite of her screaming sessions :D. This is coming from the oldest kid in the family, so I think you hit the nail on the head–this is a universal feeling, I think :).

  4. By the way, speaking of “free time” hehe, when I get some free time I’d like to make you a new header! (If you want one.) Please send me some images or ideas of what you’d like. 🙂

  5. So true, ali! motherhood hasn’t magically turned me into an unselfish person…in fact, if anything it has revealed to me just how truly self-centered I am! So thankful for the grace of God!

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